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I should have been a traveling salesman.For alcohol.Forget encyclopedias or vacuum cleaners. Liquor peddled straight to your door. Now THERE’S a pyramid scheme I’d be happy to invest in. In the meantime, I’ll have to settle for recommending spirits to fellow supermarket customers who are stuck in a cocktail rut.For example…Take Joe and Tracy. A nice couple from Des Moines passing through Mason City last summer. They happened to be browsing HyVee’s rum selection at the same time as the Iowa Roadie. One hour later, they left with FOUR bottles of alcohol they had never heard of.(You’re welcome HyVee. I am still waiting for that commission check.)Now…in a normal situation, the Iowa Roadie’s random encounter with Joe & Tracy would have ended there. The couple would have left in agreement to NEVER talk to strangers again…while still enjoying the Little Beers I suggested.Take Away #1…Never underestimate the Iowa Roadie and…

When my kids were little, this is what Christmas involved…• Barbies• Toys requiring LOTS of AA batteries…and noise-canceling headphones• A reciprocating saw or some other Very Sharp cutting device which is used to extract the toys from their Fort Knox-like packaging. • AlcoholNow that my kids are in their 20s, this is what Christmas involves…•Alcohol.It is with great relief that the Iowa Roadie’s family holiday has evolved from the commercial trappings of Nintendo, Talking Elmo and Taylor Swift to focus on drinking games and group shots. Before proceeding, I’d like to point out that holiday drinking has very deep-seated roots. For example, in the classic movie “A Christmas Story,” have you noticed that the parents are enjoying a glass of wine as they watch their children open presents in the wee morning hours?We typically wait until after the Christmas Eve service to begin drinking.This year, our 24-year-old daughter brought home…

There are certain things in life that warrant a strong cocktail. Here are three: A bad day at workCar problemsMenards Not necessarily in that order. I realize that for many of you, there are a multitude of issues more disturbing…A family squabble, finances, the Redskins being renamed “The Washington Football Team.” (OK…you may have a point with that one.) Yet I maintain…a trip to Menards is as provoking as anything. Case in point: Caulk. There is nothing exciting about caulk. Or electrical tape. Or any of the other kazillion home improvement items you can buy there. So instead of the required masks, I propose that Menards hands out mini bottles of alcohol. Suddenly there’s a party in Aisle 2. Unfortunately Menards has yet to realize the benefit of intoxicated home improvement shopping. Which meant that the first stop for the Iowa Roadie & husband after buying a “self-adjusting rotating level,”…

I double dog dare you. That was the challenge issued by the Iowa Roadie’s husband when I told him I was not only going to write a new blog…but make scotcheroos as well. Whoa! A blog AND scotcheroos? In hindsight, that DOES sound a bit ambitious…particularly when I didn’t even know if we had rice krispies in the house. (This is because cereal has sugar and carbohydrates, and we are supposed to be “eating healthy”…no thanks to a “mildly obese” ruling at last year’s Iowa Roadie physical. ) However that diagnosis was far from my mind when I made such a bold claim. What I WAS thinking about was how tasty the Captain Morgan and root beer cocktails were that I had just consumed. All while sitting on the sunny patio of Lehigh’s Riverside Tavern after two months of quarantine drinking at home. TWO MONTHS of Aldi’s wine on my…

Forget water. I recently stocked up on alcohol. I figure if I get quarantined with my family, I need more than water to help me survive. I recently purchased two bottles of Crown Peach…which may be Very Important Currency if I need to trade for toilet paper. I also purchased some “Cheap Ass Beer” (manufactured in Minnesota) for my husband, as well as cucumber vodka for $10.99 (I may never drink it, but I saved $15!) and Hy Vee’s “customer choice” Amsterdam coconut vodka. (Impulse buy.) In all honesty, I tend to go a little bonkers in the liquor store. I have BOTTLES of alcohol that sit unopened on a shelf in our basement. (That is because I drink leftover $4 Aldi’s Christmas wine, and my husband drinks “Cheap Ass Beer.”) We rarely make mixed drinks at home, because that’s what Iowa Roadie adventures are for. It’s far more fun…

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