I enjoy a good gin and tonic.
My husband disagrees. He equates my cocktail of choice to eating a pinecone.
I equate his Coors Light to urine.
Before I go any further, I would like to apologize to the Coors company. It is unfair of me to compare their malted beverage to urine when I have never actually consumed urine. Instead, it is an extremely aggressive metaphor expressing my dislike of ALL beers.
Even Busch Light.
I know. I know.
With that one bold statement, I have provoked the entire beer drinking population of Iowa into a booze-infused rage.
(Please don’t unfollow me yet.)
But… I. Don’t. Like. Beer.
I also don’t like well drinks.
It’s a curse. Really.
You Busch Latte fans will never understand. Happy Hour comes & you can buy $2 pints. You are able to drink all night on a $20 bill.
Tangueray is NEVER discounted.
That is because Tangueray is the gin that tastes LEAST like a pinecone.
For that reason, bars do not serve Tangueray at Happy Hour. Instead they offer “well gin” on their drink special menu.
“Well gin” is WORSE than urine.
Now…this dive-bar hopping Iowa Roadie does NOT want to sound like a Liquor Snob. SOOOO to break that stigma, I counter my expensive alcohol with cheap wine.
Currently I have four cases of mulled Christmas wine in my basement. I purchased this wine at Aldi’s for a whopping $2.99/bottle.
That was not a typo. $2.99. Per Bottle.
I can’t get a GLASS of wine for that price if I go out.
(You know what else you can’t get at that price? Tangueray.)
In addition to the four dozen bottles of Christmas wine, I have a case of peach wine in my basement that was also purchased at Aldi’s. For $2.99/bottle during their end of the summer season sale.
Quick fact…I used to cut coupons. I would save hundreds of dollars and purchase products I didn’t need (or wouldn’t use) simply because they were pennies on the dollar.
I no longer cut coupons. But my financial savviness has leaked over into an obsession with cheap wine.
Party at my house!
Therein is the irony.
We don’t entertain.
I have a stockpile of alcohol in my basement that would put any bar (or two…or TEN bars put together) to shame.
In my defense, some of this was purchased during Covid when one couldn’t go out. In order to deal with family members also stuck at home, it was essential to consume copious amounts of alcohol.
When the Covid restrictions lifted, I surveyed my basement and wondered if I might be a candidate for that Hoarders show.
If only I were joking.
My “collection” includes everything from pickle whiskey to horseradish vodka to mulberry gin. I also have every flavor of Baileys available (and there are many), as well as a banana pudding liqueur that is not even sold in Iowa.
Many of these bottles (including the banana pudding one) are unopened. It’s a tragedy of sorts.
However what IS open…is a bottle of cheap Aldi’s wine and a can of Coors Light.
Because happiness (and Happy Hour) always begin at home.
Where the only “well” drinks are the tap water out of my kitchen faucet…
And the response to “Tough Day? Oh WELL…time for a beer!”
(Even if it does taste like urine.)